Sibling Rivalry
by lmjuju
Summary: Olivia Benson knows she's in love with her partner Elliot Stabler, but that doesn't stop her from accepting Brian Cassidy's offer to eventually marry and move in with him. She never thought Elliot would feel the same way, and it only gets more complicated when you factor in that Brian and Elliot are adopted brothers. All's fair in love and war...and family.
1. Chapter 1

"Olivia!"

She couldn't stop the sigh from escaping her lips. The day had been going as smoothly as a day can when surrounded by sexual deviants and predatory scumbags. She had managed to draw out a confession from a rapist she had been chasing for weeks and Munch had even caved on her one daily wish, walking the brisk route to her favourite coffee shop and grabbing her favourite latte instead of trying to get her to compromise her intestinal heath and accept a cup of his own brew.

But of course, like everything in Olivia Benson's life, nothing stayed peaceful for long.

"Olivia!"

She pursed her lips before looking at the source of yelling that had infiltrated her peaceful station.

"Brian. What's with all the yelling?"

"Olivia," he huffed out, quickly making his way over to her. "Hi, babe."

"Brian," she whispered harshly, darting her eyes around the room. "I told you not to call me that here."

He squinted his eyes at her and shook his head disbelievingly.

"Oh come on, Olivia. Are we still pulling that crap? Half the station already knows we're dating."

"I know that, but there are some people-"

"There's one person."

"Yes, there's one person who doesn't and I need to tell him on my own terms," she answered, crossing her arms across her chest and glaring at him for interrupting her.

"Remind me again why it's taken you this long to tell him? I mean, we're going shopping for furniture this weekend, Olivia. Shouldn't you at least mention that you're moving?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe so he doesn't come across some old lady slowly making her way out of your old apartment to go grocery shopping instead of seeing you?"

Fuck. She had completely forgotten about that. It's not like he was picking her up everyday, but Brian did have a point. For once.

"Look Bri," she said softly, resting her hand on his forearm. "I'll tell him. I promise, okay?"

He looked down at her hand on his arm, and covered it with his own, brushing his thumb over top of it back and forth.

"I know it's hard for you, Olivia. You're not a woman who gets into relationships very easily. But you're moving in with me. And I eventually want you to be my wife, the mother to my children," he admitted, looking up at her. "And I need you to be completely okay with this commitment, alright?"

She softened her look at his words and leaned in to give him a quick kiss.

"I know, Bri. I want all of that too. You just have to let me do some things at my own pace."

He nodded and stood up, refusing to let go of her hand.

"Besides," she joked. "We're not all as headstrong and stubborn as you."

He let out a small laugh, and turned his head when he heard a commotion out in the hallway followed by angry yells.

"That could only mean one thing," he said, looking at her and reluctantly dropping her hand. "Your boyfriend is back."

"Brian-"

He shook his head and turned around, walking toward the exit.

She watched him leave, her stomach churning at the mess she was in. She knew she owed it to Brian to confess and come clean, after all, like Brian said, it's not like the entire precinct didn't know about it anyways.

"I'm going to kill Lanagan and then I'm going to kill Kathy. No, that's a terrible idea. I'm obviously going to need a lawyer if I kill Kathy. I'll kill Kathy, let Lanagan get me off, and then I'll kill him. Do you think Novak would prosecute me?"

Olivia watched as her longtime partner Elliot Stabler walked into the precinct, tossing different articles of clothing along as he went. A jacket here, a tie there.

"Meeting didn't go well," she offered, watching as he sat down in front of her, his face still red with anger.

"You could say that," he scoffed.

"What did Lanagan say?"

"The same shit he always says. The best I can hope for is joint custody, but Kathy has a pretty decent case for sole. Dicky's still not talking to me. And Kathy is just a total bitch," he roared, attracting some stares from various officers moving in and out of the precinct.

"I'm sorry El," she offered solemnly. She never knew what to say in these situations.

He looked at her and offered a grateful smile.

"Thanks Liv. You want to go and get a drink after work?"

"I don't know-"

"Ah, come on, Liv. You're my best friend and I'm going through a divorce. You're supposed to buy me drinks. I bought you drinks after you broke up with the sleezeball newspaper editor, did I not," he begged, putting on his best puppy dog eyes.

She looked at him, her stomach flip-flopping. Fuck, fuck, fuck, she thought as she fiddled with a pen on her desk.

"Fine. But no more than two drinks," she answered, risking another glance at his face.

He couldn't stop the shit-eating grin from covering his entire face before rolling his chair out from behind his desk and over beside her.

"You really are the best friend a guy could ask for, Liv," he announced, bumping his shoulder to hers.

"Just don't forget that when I eventually will need you to buy me drinks," she joked, her arm on fire from where he touched her.

Fuck.

He laughed and nodded his head, swinging his chair back over to his desk and opening up a file.

'You've really dug yourself a new grave this time, Olivia.'

She looked up at him again, watching as his lip turned down as he read the details on their newest case.

A vibration on her desk distracted her from her obvious staring and she glanced down to read the new message.

"Found a pretty cheap grill over at a hardware store on 44th. Think of all the burgers and hot dogs we can make this summer, Olivia. Love you."

As if on cue, the wave of guilt induced nausea came over her, and she fell back in her chair, her head lolling to the side.

"Liv?"

She looked up at Elliot, who was half standing and looking at her with concerned eyes.

"I'm fine, El," she said, smiling weakly.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

He nodded his head before sitting down. "You know, Liv, we don't have to go out tonight if you're not feeling up to it."

"No, no. I want to."

"Are you sure?"

"Ask me one more time if I'm sure, Elliot," she barked.

He raised his hands in surrender and looked back at the file he was working through.

"Geez, alright. Don't get all catty on me, Olivia. I already have enough angry women in my life."

She sighed. There was no reason she should be taking out her own guilty frustrations on him. It wasn't his fault that she was having a one sided emotional affair on Brian.

"Sorry, El. I didn't mean to act so rude."

He looked up at her and smiled. "I'm joking, Liv. I just want to make sure you're alright."

"More than," she smiled.

"Good."

"Oh, and Elliot?"

"Yeah?"

"There's something I need to tell you when we go out tonight."

"Everything okay," he asked, crossing his arms on his desk and focusing entirely on her.

"Yes," she nodded. "Just something I wanted to let you know."

He nodded and looked back down at the file, leaning back in his chair.

The rest of the afternoon moved agonizingly slow. They couldn't find one decent lead on their new case and they were buried in phone calls and paperwork.

Worst of all, the lack of action gave Olivia an abundance of time to think about what she was going to tell Elliot tonight.

She didn't know why she was so nervous. Elliot had never been a boyfriend, would never be a boyfriend, and he certainly hadn't given any sign that he would like something to develop between them.

Sure, he got insanely jealous whenever she brought up a new guy, but Munch and Fin always tried to scare her partner away too. She had always assumed Elliot thought of her like a sister and he was just going his older brother job of scaring off any guy she showed any interest in.

Not to mention the Kathy conundrum. They were on and off more than a pair of faucet taps. She was pretty sure Elliot was still in love with Kathy, despite the divorce, and if she had beckoned him over even for just one night, they would fall into their routine all over again.

No, the thing she had with Brian was good. Brian wanted to marry her. Brian wanted to have children with her. Most importantly, Brian was a good guy without any kind of baggage from a first marriage. Brian was good for her, and she would just have to remind herself of that when she was sitting in the bar, across from Elliot, drinking and watching as he-

"Liv?"

His voice roused her from her thoughts. She shook her head and looked up at him.

"Yes?"

"Want to go? It's 6:00," he said, pointing to the clock on the wall.

She noticed he was already wearing his jacket and cursed herself for zoning out so deep.

"Yeah, sorry El. Don't know where my mind's at these days."

"I get it. You should see what I've got running through my mind all day."

"Divorce is hard on anyone, El. But I know this has been incredibly difficult on you," she said.

He squinted his eyes at her. "What are you-Oh, yeah. Yeah. The divorce. It's been pretty difficult," he admitted, turning away so Olivia couldn't see his flustered face.

She went to question it, but decided the first step to disassociating any romantic feelings she could possibly have for Elliot would be to stop inquiring about every little thing.

"Good," he asked her, motioning his head toward the exit.

She nodded and followed him out, letting out a deep breath she wasn't even aware she was holding.

It was time to tell the love of her life that she would be moving in and starting her own life with Brian Cassidy, his least favourite person and adopted younger brother.

What could go wrong?


	2. Chapter 2

The bar was unbelievably busy for a Tuesday night. The lights were dimmed and the pool balls clanked as they bounced off one another across the three tables set up along the back wall. Young couples hid in tiny nooks of angled walls, sneaking playful kisses and inappropriate touches while hopeful singles flirted with each other around the large mahogany bar, flocking to it like a waterhole in the desert.

Olivia surveyed the scene in front of her and just barely managed to suppress the groan. She hated packed bars and she wasn't the biggest fan of college students. This was her personal hell.

She looked up at Elliot, hoping he'd be sporting one of his trademark Stabler frowns. If he wasn't feeling the venue either, maybe she could convince him to just order take-out and have a few beers in her apartment. She didn't think Brian was coming over tonight.

"El, maybe we should-"

"There's a table, Liv. Go and grab it. I'll get us a couple of pints," he interrupted, pointing out a small two-seater table toward the back of the bar.

She nodded and smiled at him, making her way through the crowd of students. The table had dried beer stains all over it, but Olivia couldn't care less. Her mind was racing with the different scenarios that would play out when she told Elliot about Brian.

She knew Elliot and Brian hated each other, despite living with each other for over twenty years and being brothers for just over thirty. She never understood what it was exactly that drove them apart, and she never wanted to get involved by poking around and asking questions.

After a particularly long night of sex, she had quietly asked Brian if he thought things would ever be okay between the two of them, but he had ignored her, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead before turning over and going to sleep.

She didn't know what to do after that. It wasn't like she had any siblings to compare the situation to. None of them did. Both Fin and Munch were only children and they wouldn't touch the Brian-Elliot conundrum with a ten-foot pole.

"If I had known if it was going to be this busy Liv, I would have suggested you come back to my apartment for a beer," Elliot said, placing their pints down on the table and offering an apologetic smile.

"It's okay, El. I forgot Tuesdays were two dollar shots for the Hudson kids."

"Maybe we'll run into Kathleen."

"It is every daughter's dream to have a couple of beers with a cute guy while her father stands menacingly over her," she quipped, winking over the top of her glass.

He laughed, running his hand over the back of his head a few times.

"What would I do without you, Liv?"

"You'd have to rely on Munch for beers."

"And sit through his conspiracy theories about what really happened to that Malaysian plane? Yeah, I'll pass."

They both laughed before allowing a comfortable silence to drop between them. Olivia watched as he fidgeted with pieces of the coaster his glass was sitting on, a pensive look resting on his face.

"What's going on, El?"

"Nothing," he answered, looking up at her disbelieving face. "Really. It's just hitting home that everything I've worked toward for the past twenty years is crashing and burning and there's nothing I can do to stop it."

"Elliot," she started, reaching across the table to grab his hand. "You did not fail. You fought hard for that marriage. You and Kathy both did."

"Still feels a lot like failure to me."

"Yeah, well I wouldn't know anything about that," she whispered, retracting her hand and taking another sip of her drink.

"Liv, you'll find someone."

She looked up at him and went to open her mouth, but he held up a finger.

"Seriously, Liv. You're the most incredible person I know. You're brave, and caring, and smart, and," he hesitated briefly. "And beautiful."

"El," she blushed, staring at the drink resting on the table between her hands.

"You know what I mean, Liv. Some guy is going to fall head over heels for you and he'll be one lucky son of a bitch," he said quickly, turning his head to the side and gulping down the last of his beer.

"Actually El, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh," he questioned, looking at her.

"You see, I'm actually-" she started before the sound of her phone vibrating on the table interrupted her.

Brian.

"One second, El," she said before picking up the phone and walking away. "Benson."

"Benson? Why would you be…oh, you're with him, aren't you?"

She could hear the disappointment and anger in his voice and walked toward the bathroom where it was a little less rowdy.

"Brian, hi."

"Sorry, Olivia. I didn't mean to interrupt your date," he spat.

"Bri," she sighed, running her hand over her face. "I was actually-"

"No, save it Olivia. I'm sick of this. I thought you were going to be coming home tonight for dinner. There are some things we need to finalize before you move."

Shit.

"I completely forgot, Brian. But if you would just-"

"Of course you did. When Elliot comes calling, you just have to go and see him."

"Oh for Christ's sake Brian, he's your brother!"

"Not by choice, Olivia. His parents adopted me, but that does not make us brothers."

"Brian," she practically pleaded. "I was actually in the middle of talking to him about us before you called."

"…"

"Brian?"

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me," she sputtered.

"I don't believe you, Olivia."

"You can believe whatever you want, Cassidy, but it's the truth."

"Cassidy?"

Fuck.

She turned to locate the sound of the question and found Elliot leaning up against the wall beside her.

"Why are you talking to Cassidy," Elliot asked, distaste dripping from his mouth with every word.

"Elliot, just give me-"

"Is he there right now," the voice over the phone demanded.

"Yes, Brian, I'm going to have to- Hey," she yelled, watching as Elliot ripped the phone from her hand.

"Cassidy."

"Stabler. What the fuck do you want?"

"I could ask you the same thing. Don't you have some prostitute to follow?"

"I'm getting really sick of your shit, Elliot."

"Welcome to my world, Brian. I've been sick of your shit since the moment we took your sorry ass in," Elliot yelled, shooting a look at Olivia who was back to running a hand over her face.

"Really? Are we really dredging this up again? Right now? Over the phone?"

"I don't see why we shouldn't," Elliot responded coolly.

She couldn't take it anymore. She ripped the phone back out of Elliot's hand, glaring at him the entire time. Standing square in front of him, she raised it back to her face, never taking her eyes off of him.

"Bri."

"Olivia, fuck that tool. Come home," he whispered.

She softened at his words. No matter how often they argued, whenever he let his annoying bravado façade drop, she remembered how caring he was and why she fell in love with him in the first place.

"I will."

"Soon?"

She looked up at Elliot who was staring intently at her, burning a hole into her with his questioning eyes. "Yes."

"Olivia?

"Yeah, Cassidy?"

"I love you."

She was quiet for moment, staring back at Elliot. They had never looked at each other this intently. It was nauseating, exhilarating, heart breaking and arousing all at once. The desire for Elliot to grab her and have his way with her, dominate her right where they stood was overwhelming.

Staring up at him, unblinkingly, she whispered, "I love you, too."

She hung up the phone and slid it into her back pocket, moving her bangs out of her eyes and taking a deep breath before looking up at Elliot's face once more. If she didn't know any better, she would have said he looked heart broken, but she did know better.

She watched, slowly, as realization dawned on his face.

"You were going to tell me something tonight, right Liv?"

"Yes,: she whispered inaudibly.

"What," he asked aggressively.

She looked up at him again; steeling herself for the hatred she was sure she thought she'd find in his eyes. "Yes."

"It was about you seeing someone, right?"

She so desperately wanted to tear her eyes away from his, but she couldn't. "Yes."

"And that person-"

"Yes."

"Is my brother-"

"Yes."

"Brian fucking Cassidy," he roared.

She nodded, finally taking her eyes away from him, closing them tight, and bowing her head. She felt like a teenager who just got caught stealing the car at night. She took a couple of deep breaths before finally working up the courage to look up at Elliot.

No one.

There was no one standing where Elliot just stood. She frantically looked around the bar, back at the table and toward where a bunch of students were ordering drinks, but she couldn't see him.

It was only when the chimes above the door chimed that she saw the tail of his coat storming out.

With no one in front of her to keep her steady and with no one around to judge her, she did what she did best when she was alone.

She cried.


	3. Chapter 3

Usually Olivia loved the sound of Manhattan's streets at night. No matter what time it was, the city bustled with an almost childish glee. Euphoric tourists trying to pack in as much of the city that never slept as they could before returning home, university students trying to best one another at how late they could stay up until partying before heading to class, and the quirky characters that made New York the incredible city it was all meandered around.

There was no greater place to live than New York City, Olivia had come to believe over the course of her life, but tonight, she just didn't have the energy to take it all in.

She tightened her jacket as much as she could to protect herself from the harsh winds, her cloth hood offering little protection from the sudden snowfall. She couldn't stop herself from shivering, her eyes darting around the corner that lead to her block.

She felt her heart start to beat faster at the approaching inevitable conversation she would have with Brian in just a few moments.

Of course he'd want to know what happened with Elliot after she hung up the phone and of course he'd want to know if she told him about their relationship and of course he'd want to bitch about Elliot. The latter, unfortunately, being one of his favourite past time activities when they were lying in bed after a long day of work.

She stood in front of the stairs that lead to her brownstone apartment, trying to gather up the courage to not only tell Brian about what transpired, but make it through the story without crying.

She knew Brian had his suspicions about her feelings toward Elliot. The fact that he was willing to overlook it and try to build a life with her anyway just went to show how much he cared about her.

She shook her head, her hood falling off in the process, and made her way up the stairs. Stomping her foot on the mat inside the doorway, she took out her key to let herself in and barely contained the yelp that threatened to escape her mouth when Brian threw the door open instead.

"Liv," he whispered.

"Don't call me that," she muttered, pushing past him and taking her jacket off, throwing it on the coat rack he had installed last month.

She heard the door close behind her and his steps on the hardwood floor as he moved closer to her. As much as she tried, she couldn't stop the shiver that escaped her when he ran his arms down her arms.

"Someone missed me," he said, placing a kiss on her neck.

She sent up a silent thank you, glad he mistook her physical discomfort with his touch for arousal. She let out a small moan when he kissed her neck, the fire in her belly ignited, the sensitive mound between her legs growing instantly wet.

She turned around to face him, watching as his darkened eyes mirrored hers; watching as the smirk on his face grew into a full on lecherous grin.

"I always miss you when I'm out," she said, her voice husky, dripping with lust. "How are you?"

"I don't want to talk about that right now, Olivia," he whispered, skimming his lips over her collar bone, the hollow between her chest, and moving further down with each feathered touch.

"Good, cause I don't either."

He looked up at her, smirked, and in one swooping gesture, threw her over his shoulder, moving to the chestnut coloured sofa that took up the majority of their living room.

Without warning, he flung her onto the piece of furniture, staring down at her lustfully surprised face, her lips parted ever so slightly, her chest heaving with each breath as he removed his shirt.

This is what she needed. She needed for the day to disappear into the background and she needed some kind of physical release to get her through the next few hours without having a complete mental breakdown.

She watched as Brian's eyes darkened in front of her, her inner pride beaming as she watched him take in her disheveled look, his eyes raking over each part of her body.

She gasped as his warm hands went to her waist, gliding his fingertips over her taut belly, slowly, almost agonizingly, moving their way toward her breasts, before finally finding her hardened nipples and pinching them lightly.

She arched her hips up toward him, silently begging him to continue his teasing ministrations on her scorching body.

She watched as he leaned in for a kiss, rising slightly to meet him halfway, only for him to dive in and bite her neck, hard. She let out a surprised yelp, but that soon turned into a drawn out moan as he raised his lips and started sucking around the bite mark, licking the small, reddening wound.

She grabbed his head, trying to push it closer to where she wanted him to be, but he growled and nipped at her wrists, roughly removing his hands from under her shirt and grabbing her hands, holding them above her head.

"You may be, "Badass Benson" in the precinct, but here, you're just Olivia, and I get to call the shots. Understood?"

She looked at him, a challenging look in her eye, before nodding her head softly. She waited until the cocky smirk returned before wrapping her legs around his and grinding herself onto the erection she knew he had.

She watched as he closed his eyes and did everything in his power to stop from grinding right back, keeping as frigidly still as possible.

He opened his eyes, darker than before, and finally stood up, lifting her with him, and carrying her into the kitchen.

She looked at him, confused once more, as he sat her down gently on the island counter in his apartment.

"Brian. What are-"

"Tonight is about you, Olivia. I want to make you feel good," he whispered, his lips finding her earlobe and attaching himself to them.

She shivered as he undid the button on her jeans, rubbing his fingers over her core through the denim fabric.

"Do you want me to make you feel good, Olivia?"

She bit her lip to stop the moan that so desperately wanted to escape from doing so, choosing instead to nod.

"I can make you feel so good, Olivia. For the rest of your life, Olivia, I can be the one to make you feel incredible every day and every night," he continued, pulling her jeans off and tossing them across the room, moving his hand to her soaking panties, rubbing a finger down her slit through the fabric, pushing in slightly, watching as her eyes closed and her face contorted.

"You just need to give yourself over to me, Olivia. All of you," he said, using one hand to raise her chin and force her to look at him.

She squinted at him and opened her mouth to contest him, but was cut off by his tongue in her mouth, kissing her as hard as he could.

"I don't want you to say anything, Olivia. I just want you to cum for me, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered back, slightly defeated and full of guilt.

He smiled at her, and kissed her cheek, before planting kisses down her body, removing her underwear and licking the entirety of her slit at once before attaching his mouth to her sensitive bud that had been throbbing since they had started this game.

"Brian," she gasped, her hands working their way into his hair.

He looked up at her, never stopping, and licked his way around the bud, pulling on it slightly with his teeth, and sucking on it without mercy. He reached up with one hand and grabbed her right breast, pinching the still sensitive nipple and massaging it, while his fingers on the other hand found their way into Olivia, thrusting in and out, bending and twisting until they found the spot that had Olivia shaking with pre-orgasm anticipation.

He looked up at her again and saw the near violent chest heaves, the beads of sweat gathered on her forehead, and he could feel the vice grip hold she had on his hair.

With one final suck of her clit, he took his mouth off of her, grabbing her head and pulling her into him, kissing her so she could taste herself.

His thumb replaced where his mouth was, rubbing circles on the engorged and sensitive clit as his fingers continued to thrust in and out of her, hitting her most tender spot each time.

She felt the fire build in the belly of her stomach and knew she was close. She closed her eyes, willing the images of Elliot's mouth on her, Elliot's fingers in her, and Elliot's scent surrounding her away so she could focus on what Brian was doing.

"Olivia."

'No.'

"Olivia."

'No, no. no.'

"Olivia, say you're mine."

"Brian."

"Olivia."

She felt her orgasm approaching and she stretched her toes, her body beginning to convulse from the pleasure running through her.

"Liv, say you're mine."

She smiled as she pictured Elliot saying those words, his hands bringing her the relief she needed, him making her feel the most incredible feelings in the world.

"Forever yours," she whispered, as she came all over Brian's hand, her body shaking as she came down from the explosive high.

They stayed, panting, in the kitchen, Brian looking at Olivia while Olivia threw her head back and closed her eyes.

He leaned down to give her a kiss. She smiled against him. Maybe, she thought, maybe she could do this after all.

"One of these days, Olivia, I'm going to get you to cum just from thinking of me and not indulging yourself with fantasies of being with my brother," he whispered, planting one final kiss on her forehead, before walking to the living room, grabbing his previously discarded shirt, and silently heading up the stairs that led to their bathroom and bedroom.


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia made her way up the stairs, sweeping her sweat matted bangs across her forehead. This was usually the point where she would run. Run away from it all. The pain of another failed relationship, the pain of living in the city all alone again, the pain of having to go into the office and sit across from the man of her dreams knowing she would never be able to touch him, to hold him, to be with him the way she so desperately wanted to be.

She could hear the creaks of the old wooden staircase with each heavy step. She loved the sound. She always wanted to build a life with someone inside a rickety New York City house. There was something cozy about being in a house that saw the best and worst times of the city's complicated history.

She walked over to their bedroom and leaned up against it, listening for the sound of the shower's spray. She couldn't face Brian again tonight.

She turned the knob of the door, hearing the pitter patter of the water hitting the shower floor, and walked into the room, gasping as she saw Brian sitting in bed, flipping through channels on their television set.

"Brian. I thought you were in the shower," she muttered, turning around to close the door.

"I didn't really get all worked up, so I thought I'd skip it until morning. Ran the water for you, though," he answered, not taking his eyes off the TV.

She smiled at him and nodded, sweeping her hair behind her ear and making her way to the connecting washroom.

"Olivia."

She stopped in her tracks, waiting for him to continue.

"I'm sorry."

She slowly turned on her heel to face him, giving him an inquisitive look. Why was he apologizing? He didn't do anything wrong.

"I shouldn't have said what I did down there. I was just angry after the conversation I had with Elliot, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you," he said, throwing the remote across their bed and looking at her.

"Oh, Brian, it's-"

"Maybe one of these days I'll tell you, Olivia," he said, glancing down at his hands. "Maybe one of these days I'll tell you why my brother and I can't stand each other."

She couldn't help her eyes from growing wider. He rarely talked about Elliot like this. Sure, he yelled about him or cursed him, but he never spoke so solemnly about the situation they were in. Olivia knew the gist of it all, piecing it together through little slips in each of their rants, but she never got the full story out of either of them.

"Brian, you know you can always come to me," she said, walking over to him, kneeling down by the bed, and grabbing his hand.

He smiled at her, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. "I know that, Olivia. I know."

She gave him a small smile back, standing up and leaning over him to give him a small kiss, before making her way back to the bathroom.

"But I also know that he's your best friend and I can't tell you without worrying about you brining it up with him."

She spun around, mouth hanging open. "Brian, you know I would never-"

"I trust you with my life, Olivia," he started, staring at her. "But there are certain areas that I still don't know if I can trust you entirely yet. My brother is one of them."

She crossed her arms over her chest, remaining silent and waiting for him to speak again. If she was going to get in a fight with him, she wanted to have his entire rebuttal in her pocket.

"You two have this weird connection. I don't know what it is, but it's stronger than most partners. Hell, it's stronger than most siblings," he started. "And although I know you love me, I also know you love him. As a friend, as a partner, as a brother, I don't know, but you love him and I still don't trust you enough to tell you something and not have you run off to tell him to get his side of the story," he spat, shaking his head furiously, the colour rising in his neck and face.

He looked up at her, expecting her to argue with him, throw something at him, hell, even hit him. He wasn't expecting her to walk over to him on the bed, throw the covers off, and swing one leg over him, straddling him.

"Um-"

She kissed him, slow and lovingly, twisting her hands in the back of his hair and pulling him into her as much as she could. She licked his bottom lip, nipping it, listening to Brian let out an appreciative groan.

She drew back, almost reluctantly, giving him one last peck, before grabbing the sides of his face and forcing him to look at her.

"Brian, I…You know it's hard for me to say, to accept, but I do care for you very much," she said. "I want you to come to me, as your friend and as your partner. I'm here for you, okay?"

He reached up and held onto her hands, nodding slowly. She smiled, leaning in to kiss him once more, but stopped, her lips just ghosting over his.

"I have to take a shower."

"I know," he nodded.

"Do you want to come and help me get clean? After all, it's your fault I feel so dirty," she whispered seductively.

She heard him growl and howled in laughter as he picked her up bridal style and carried her into the washroom, the sound of her laughter ringing through the house as he kicked the door closed with his foot.

Olivia could barely stifle a yawn the next day as she stood by the coffee maker, pouring packet after packet of sugar into her morning brew. It may be one of the unhealthier meal decisions in her life, but at that moment, she couldn't care less. Brian had gotten overly rowdy in the shower, and after the shower, and after the after shower, ravaging her for the majority of the night. She smiled as she felt the small pain in between her legs that came with a night of good, hard fucking. She only hope the bastard was as tired as she was and standing by his coffee machine over in the NYPD's Narcotics division precinct.

"No Kathy, I'm not going to give you sole custody of the twins…Because they're my kids, too! Oh, that's just rich, what about all the nights you spend at the hospital…well at least I'm not fucking my doctor!"

Olivia sighed, her shoulders tensing as she heard Elliot's voice ring out through the precinct halls. If calming down Brian was an ordeal, this was going to be a suicide mission.

"Yeah, well fuck you too, Kathy," Elliot yelled, walking into the room and throwing his phone down on his desk. "FUCK!"

"Elliot!"

"What?"

"Do you think you could keep the swearing down," Cragen asked, walking out of his office and leaning against Fin's desk.

Elliot just looked at him before shaking his head, looking around the room until he found who he was looking for.

"You," he said, pointing at Olivia. "To the roof. Now."

She watched as he shoved chairs out of the way, glaring at anyone who dared cross him. He was on a warpath and unfortunately Olivia knew she was the main reason for his aggression.

"What's that about," Cragen asked her, eyebrows raised and arms folded across his chest. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought he was amused with the entire situation.

She shrugged her shoulders, raising the mug she was holding to her face with both hands and spinning around, following her anger consumed partner up the their spot.

She shivered upon opening the door. Even by New York standards, it was a pretty frigid day. If she knew Elliot wasn't going to jump down her throat the minute she said hello, she would have cursed him out for picking the roof of all places to have a conversation in the middle of winter.

She saw him, standing by the ledge, puffing on a cigarette. In the twelve years she knew him, she had seen him smoke a total of four times. The first was when he met Lanagan for the first time. The second was when he and Kathy went through their first split. The third was when everything surrounding Eli's birth was going down, and the fourth time was now. Oh yes, she could not wait until this day was over.

She stood behind him and went to open her mouth, but despite her strongest attempts, found that she couldn't do it. She wanted to be able to explain why she was with Brian or why she waited so long to tell him, but she couldn't stand the look she knew she was going to get from him.

She had never felt as helpless as she has then, standing there, awkwardly, trying to make any sound come out of her mouth.

"You're fucking my brother."

And just like that, the oxygen had just been knocked out of her.

He spun around, his face pale, cigarette firmly attached to his lips, hands dug deep into his coat pocket.

"Well?"

"El, she finally muttered, looking anywhere but at him.

"Why?"

There it was.

"Elliot, it wasn't like we planned it. It just sort of happened."

"It just sort of happened," he scoffed, looking out at the city skyline. "So, what exactly, Liv? You just so happened to lose your clothes and fall into bed with my brother?"

"ELLIOT!"

"Explain it to me, Liv," he roared, ripping the cigarette from his mouth and flicking it over the side of the building. "Because I know you know how I feel about my brother and until just now I thought you felt the same way about him, too. So please, Olivia, fucking enlighten me. How did you go from hating Brian Cassidy to fucking him every single night?"

"I don't owe you a damn explanation, Elliot. I am not your girlfriend and I am not your kid sister-"

"That would be a whole other conversation."

"You are not my protector," she continued, ignoring his remark. "You are not my savior. I am an adult and so is Brian and if Brian and I want to have a relationship and if we both love each other than that is for us to decide."

"You love him," he asked incredulously, his mouth dropping slightly. "I can't believe this, Liv. I can't believe you kept this from me."

"Look at how you're reacting right now, Elliot. Can you blame me?"

He took his hands out of his pocket and rubbed them together, blowing heated breath over his fingertips and bouncing softly where he stood. He looked away from her again, squinting his eyes.

"I've told you everything that's happened with me and Kathy ever since I knew you."

"El, this is so-"

"And you know why, Liv," he interrupted. "Because you're my best friend and I knew that if anyone was going to have my back and give me good advice it was going to be you."

"You can't compare your relationship with Kathy to my relationship with Brian, Elliot."

"Why the fuck not?"

"Because," she sighed in frustration. "Because Kathy is not my adopted sister that I hate with every ounce of my being."

"You don't even know the full story, Liv."

"That's the point, El," she yelled, throwing her hands up in the air before crossing them over her eyes. She could feel the throbbing of an incoming migraine making its way to the front of her brain. "I don't know the full story of what happened between you and Brian because you refuse to tell me and he refuses to tell me and I've had to put the pieces together over the past twelve years and I still don't know everything."

She wasn't even sure if she was making sense at this point, but at some point during their confrontation she had dropped her self doubt about the situation and just let the rant that had been threatening to overtake her for the past few years finally spill out.

"You want to talk about being best friends and trusting each other, El? You really want to go there? How about keeping me at bay for over a decade? How about having me listen to you every day about whatever Brian's done to piss you off and never telling me why this all started? You want to talk about hiding secrets Elliot, that's fine. But then we're going to talk about you hiding the biggest one of all," she spat, her chest heaving, her lungs gulping, taking in as much oxygen as they could.

He stared at her. She saw his face crumble the slightest bit. She saw his hand twitch. She knew he wanted to reach out to her, give her arm a slight, comforting squeeze. That's what he usually did when she was as visibly upset as she was now. But he was never the cause for her being upset. At least, not that he knew of. He was like a fish out of water and there wasn't an opportunity in sight to jump back under the waves.

Almost with the snap of a finger, though, his mood changed. She watched as his shoulders bunched up, as his face became redder, as his eyes squinted into almost nothing and as the veins on his neck started to pop.

He walked toward her, his body towering over her menacingly. She backed away from him, for the first time in her life, scared of what he might do to her. He continued prowling toward her until she was backed up against a wall. He threw up his arms around her, trapping her between the wall and his body. He leaned his head toward her and she barely contained the gasp as his face moved toward hers. Her feet felt like lead. She wanted to bolt, to push him off, her sensors sending up all kinds of warning, but she was stuck there, desperate for him to finally do something.

"You want to talk about secrets, Olivia," he whispered into her ear, his body moving closer to hers. "Does my brother know about all the other men you've fucked? Does he know you're going to leave him and move onto the next one eventually? Secrets, Liv? Does Brian know just how fucked up you can be? Is Brian ready to handle all of your breakdowns? Will Brian still want you then, Liv?"

She snapped.

She raised her knee, connecting with his groin and using his surprised falter to slap him as hard as she could across his face, pushing him off of her. She watched him step backward and the horrific realization of what he just did cross his face. Still doubled over and clutching his stomach, he reached out toward her.

"Liv, I am so-"

"Do not," she spat, as furiously as she could. "Do not talk to me today, Elliot. Do not touch me, do not follow me, do not even exist around me today. I'll work with Fin," she said, glaring at him one last time before ripping the door open and practically jumping down the steps that lead back into the precinct. She shook her head, refusing to let the tears out that wanted to be released. She was done crying over Elliot Stabler, and as far as she was concerned, she was done with Elliot Stabler.


	5. Chapter 5

"Lovers quarrel?"

"Shut up, Munch," Olivia growled as she walked back into the precinct, ripping her chair from her desk and plopping down in it, turning her computer on.

She was livid. She had never been this livid at work without it stemming from a case they were working on. She couldn't believe the gall he had. Insinuating she was a whore because she's had a few boyfriends over the years? It was none of his business who she dated and he had no right to try and make her feel like crap about herself because she dated various men to forget about him.

She leant forward on her desk, running her hands in frustration through her hair. If that's what Elliot really thought of her than maybe she didn't want to be with him in the first place. If Elliot was the type of person that was going to use her past against her whenever they got into a fight, well, maybe it was better that she was with Brian.

Brian.

She really needed to talk to Brian before Elliot said something to him that would throw him off the rail. And she knew that he would. Elliot didn't play the game fairly. She had seen it when he was hunting down perps or when they were dealing with Casey or, hell, she had even seen it when he wanted the last croissant at a Starbucks that he knew they were hiding in the backroom.

Elliot could fuck with her mind all day, but she wasn't going to let him take it out on Brian. Not after what just happened.

"Benson."

"Yeah Cap," she responded, hands still wrung in her hair.

"Where's your partner?"

She glanced up at him, surveying the busy room before her. Guess he decided not to come back down.

"No idea, Cap."

Cragen threw her a look but stayed quiet and nodded, sliding his hands into his pockets. "Well when you see him, let him know you two got a body at Times Square. Warner's already at the scene."

"Actually Cap," she started, standing up and walking past him into his office waiting for him to follow. "Can I work with Fin today?"

He was silent as he walked behind his desk and sat down, rubbing a hand over his temples. "What did he do?"

"Nothing," she lied easily. "I just think we could use a day apart from each other."

"Olivia-"

"Seriously Cap, it's all good. By tomorrow we'll-"

"Olivia!"

She snapped her head up at him, not used to being on the receiving end of his yelling. That was a treat usually reserved for Elliot.

"Liv," he said, calming down and offering her an apologetic smile. "I know Elliot can be a lot to handle and I know that with previous partners I've had to take them away from him for a couple of days to spare them from a nervous breakdown. But you two have always been pretty headstrong with each other."

"I know, but-"

"What did he do?"

She looked up at him, the man she considered a father in so many ways, and finally took one of the seats across from him, dropping unceremoniously into it. She felt like a kid in the principle's office, hiding a dirty secret and trying not to get any of the other kids in trouble.

"He found out about Brian."

"Ah," Cragen said, nodding and leaning back in his chair. "And he was unhappy about it."

"That's putting it mildly," she scoffed. "He totally blew up and now he can't see past that when he talks to me and I just really need a day or two of not working with him, Don."

She saw him give her a pitiful glance and hated herself for having to be the weak one in this scenario, but she couldn't face Elliot today. She knew she couldn't.

"You can have Fin for the week," he finally said, leaning back in his chair and folding his hands in front of him.

She smiled at him and stood up to leave. "Thanks Don."

"Oh, Olivia."

She turned her body halfway, leaning on the doorframe, hoping that he hadn't already changed his mind. "Yeah?"

"You may want to be nice to John for the next few days if he's going to have to deal with bad mood Stabler."

She chuckled and nodded her head, rapping her fingers on the door's frame and moving back into the precinct.

She walked back to her desk, grabbing her jacket and badge, before moving over to where Fin and Munch were sitting.

"I'm telling you, there's no way the government didn't know what was going on with the Zodiac killer. I mean, guy goes on a rampage for decades and no one's the wiser?"

"You so damn stupid," Fin said, laughing at his partner.

"You'll see. When the government eventually releases their documents, you'll see," Munch warned, knocking back the rest of the coffee in his mug.

"I still don't know how you drank that nasty crap, old man," Fin heckled, scrolling through something on his computer.

"No one appreciates a good, strong cup of coffee," he announced, walking over to the coffee maker to pour another cup.

"No, no one wants to undergo surgery after they develop a stomach ulcer drinking that sludge," Fin said.

Olivia laughed as she perched herself on one of the adjoining desks. She loved listening to their banter. It reminded her of the good old days a few years back when her and Elliot didn't have any of the problems they did now. Back when they were just good friends who went out for drinks after work and shared Chinese takeout and bad movies on Friday nights. It hadn't been like that for a while now. Sure, they were still close, probably closer than ever, but for some reason the easiness of their relationship had disappeared. Now it was just fights and makeups.

"Glad to see a smile back on your face, baby girl," Fin said, grinning his infamous Tutola grin at her.

She smiled back, unsure of how to respond to that. She thought she had been pretty happy at work these past few weeks, but maybe she hadn't.

"Where's your dotting boyfriend, Benson? Still Hulking out upstairs," Munch asked as he slid back into the conversation, sitting on the edge of his own desk.

She shrugged, looking down at her swinging feet. She didn't want to get into it with Munch. She didn't have the energy to keep up with his snide remarks.

"No idea, John. All I know is that I'm going to work with Fin for the next couple of days."

She watched as they looked at each other, silently communicating their concern for their friend, before looking back at her and nodding in perfect synchronization. She hopped off the desk and put her jacket on, lifting her hair and letting it fall around her.

"We've got a vic at Times Square. Mel is already down there."

"Yeah, I know. She texted me earlier," Fin said, standing up and putting his own jacket on, attaching his gun and badge to his belt. "You driving?"

"Yeah, is that okay?"

He shrugged noncommittally and followed her out to the car. She opened the door that led to the precinct parking lot and wasn't the least bit surprised to see Elliot leaning against their own car, another cigarette limply hanging on his lips. Fin looked at her, quickening his strides and standing indiscreetly in front of her, as if to protect her. She knew that while he didn't understand what had happened between them, he put the blame on Elliot. Fin wasn't his biggest fan to begin with, and he had always seen Olivia as the younger sister he never had. This was just another burnt match to add to the pile.

She watched as Elliot noticed them, standing up straighter and looking at Olivia. Her heart almost broke at the devastated look on his face but she wasn't ready to forgive him for what he had said. She couldn't forgive him, even if she wanted to. He had crossed a line and no matter how much he may have been prepared to grovel, she was going to stand her ground.

"Stabler, I don't know-"

"Just give me two minutes with her, Fin. I know you guys probably have a vic," Elliot said, his voice barely above a whisper.

She watched as Fin took in his composure after seeing his eyes widen at the defeated sound of his voice and glanced over at her. She nodded and he let out a long breath, grabbing the keys out of her hand and moving toward his and John's car.

"You can drive, but it's cold as hell out here. Ain't no one sitting in this car without heat," he said, twirling the keys on his finger as he walked away.

She watched him leave, refusing to give in and look at Elliot first. She heard the snow crackle under him as he made his way over to her. She could hear the chattering of his teeth and could see him lift the cigarette to his lips once more and take a drag, could hear him exhale.

"Liv-"

"I thought I told you not to talk to me today, Elliot."

"Liv, I am so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I…I can't believe I said what I did."

"Whatever Elliot," she said, starting to walk away from him.

"Liv," he said, grabbing her wrist.

She turned and looked at him, could see his red eyes and red cheeks frosting over from the cold. She could see the blue tinge to his lips. 'Just how long has he been out here waiting for me to come out,' she thought.

"What, Elliot? What do you want?"

She watched as he went to open his mouth before closing it again. He continued to stare at her, mouth not moving, just staring.

"I don't have time for this, Elliot," she said, ripping her wrist out of his grasp.

"Can we talk when you get back," he asked, finally finding his voice.

She stared at him, looking him directly in the eyes, before replying, "I'm meeting up with Brian. Sorry."

She didn't wait around to see what his reaction to her lie was, instead walking as briskly as she could to where Fin was sitting, watching the entire scenario play out in front of him through the ice covered window.

She got in, slouching down in the seat and sighing, letting her body become accustomed to the heated car after being outside in the freezing cold.

"You wanna tell me what that was all about, baby girl," Fin asked while reading something on his phone.

"Not really," she muttered, buckling up and pulling the car out of the station.

"I know it ain't any of my business-"

"So let's keep it that way, Fin," she warned.

"But," he continued, not bothered by her annoyed tone. "If Stabler did something to you or said something, I'm gonna beat his ass."

She gave him a small look before focusing on her driving once more.

"And I ain't even gonna stop there, Liv. Imma get Cragen and Munch to join in on the beating. Though I don't know how much use that old sack of bones is gonna be," Fin said, putting his hand on top of Olivia's unoccupied one.

"Whatever you need, baby girl, I got you," he said sincerely.

She squeezed his hand and looked at him, smiling. Fin was the big brother she never had and knowing that she had someone willing to beat up a guy who may or may not have hurt her was a type of love she never thought she'd experience with a man.

"We're just going through something, Fin. We'll be fine," she answered, pulling into the eerily empty Times Square that had been taped off for the investigation.

She parked and reached behind her head, grabbing her hair and throwing it up in a quick ponytail. There wasn't time for her to worry about her personal problems. There was a girl who had been assaulted and murdered and who needed Badass Benson on the case, not an emotionally drained woman.

She followed Fin over to where Melinda was kneeled over the body, collecting some kind of sample.

"What we got, baby," Fin asked as he rolled up next to Melinda.

The ME smiled at him, standing up and giving him a quick kiss. The two had been dating for just over five months and although this kind of personal display of affection wasn't appropriate, or even allowed, really, no one said anything about it. It was rare that the team were able to find someone who understood what they were dealing with, willing to remain by their side anyway.

"Young woman, I'd say sixteen, seventeen at most. Lacerations to the face, collar, breasts, and vaginal area. Signs of forced penetration, both vaginally and anally."

Olivia grimaced as she talked, bending down to examine the poor girl's body. No matter how often she was called to a scene, it never got easy. Especially when the victims were still practically kids themselves.

"Any clues," she asked, looking up at Warner.

"I found some strange material on the back of her throat. My guess? The perp used something to keep her quiet while he attacked her," she answered, holding up a clear plastic bag with the material inside. "I'll get this back to the lab and analyze it, let you guys know what I find."

Olivia nodded, standing back up and taking in the scene.

"Hey Mel."

"Yeah?"

"There's a lot of blood here."

"Yeah," she nodded, looking up from her clipboard where she was taking notes. "Your guy definitely did all of his attacking here."

"So you're saying," Fin said, coming up between them and looking down at the body. "That his sick son of a bitch raped, mutilated, and killed this girl right here in Times Square and nobody saw who did it?"

"All I'm saying," she said, looking at them," is that your guy did all of his work here. Whether or not someone saw him while he was doing his work is up to you guys to find out."

"Perfect. Thanks Mel," she said, offering a tight smile before flipping through her notebook and looking out at the large crowd that had gathered around the scene's perimeters. Tourists, she thought, captivated by a real life New York City murder. The amount of tourists this part of the city saw daily was staggering. It was hard to believe that no one saw anything. Unless…

"Hey Fin!"

"Yeah," he answered, looking up at her from where he was standing talking to Melinda.

"What if someone did see it?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Look," she said, pointing to all the tourists who were taking pictures and filming videos, some even taking selfies with the scene. She'd never understand this culture of kids. "It's like you said, this is Times Square. This is the busiest part of the city any day of the year. What if someone did see something but they chose not to report it?"

"It's possible," he nodded, looking around. "But why wouldn't they report it? Most tourist are pretty forthcoming with that."

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "But I think we're looking for a witness at this point."

They were both silent for a second, going over their fresh notes from the morning, before Fin nudged her arm.

"You know what else Times Square has a lot of?"

"Souvenirs?"

"Ha. Yeah that, but also, a lot of those," he said, grabbing her elbow and turning her around, pointing at the security cameras on the nearby buildings.

"You want to go and ask each individual business if we can collect their security footage? There isn't enough manpower in the city let alone the precinct to go through all the film."

"We ain't gotta ask all of them, just the ones who have cameras looking out in this direction. It's like you said Liv, that's a lot of blood."

She nodded before jotting down all of the businesses she and Fin would have to canvas. She had just about finished when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She wanted to ignore it, convinced it was Elliot calling to offer her another apology, but convincing herself it could be Cragen with another case, she blindly answered it without even glancing at the caller ID.

"Benson."

"What the fuck did you say to Elliot?"

"Brian," she answered with surprise, flipping her notebook closed and offering Fin an apologetic glance before walking off somewhere more private.

"So?"

"First of all, watch your tone. Second, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Elliot just called and bitched me out for like fifteen minutes. I'm going to beat the shit out of him if I seem him in the next few hours," he threatened.

Olivia could practically feel the anger radiating off of him. She knew when he got like this that she was the only one who could calm him down, much like his brother. For all their differences, they certainly had quite a bit in common.

"Elliot's been in a bad mood all morning. What did he say?"

"Warned me not to hurt you, threatened to kill me if I did anything wrong," he spat before sighing. "I'm not mad at you, Olivia. I just wish it was anyone other than him who you were best friends with."

She couldn't even disagree with him in that moment.

"I know it's tough, Bri, but we knew it was going to be like this when he found out about us."

It was quiet on his end for a minute. She glanced over at Fin who was laughing with Melinda, watched as he moved a loose strand of hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. They looked so serene, their relationship so simple. Why couldn't she have that?

"You love me, right, Olivia?"

"Where is this coming from," she asked, genuinely shocked at the turn in conversation.

"I can't keep fighting Olivia if it's not going to matter in the end."

"Brian-"

"I just need to know that you really are in this for the long run. I can't have you running away when things get tough."

When things get tough.

"What did Elliot say to you," she demanded, his words from earlier that morning ringing in her ear.

"It's not important."

"Bri-"

"Do you, Olivia? Do you love me?"

She took a deep breath and exhaled, looking at Fin and Melinda again. That could be hers if she wanted it to be. And Brian was offering her that right now.

"Yes," she whispered as convincingly as she could.

She could hear his sigh of relief over the phone.

"I love you too, babe," he said. "I'll let you get back to work."

"Wait, Brian!"

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing for lunch?"

"Nothing, why?"

"Do you want to meet up and grab something?"

"Sure," he answered excitedly. "I'll meet you at the station in an hour?"

"Sounds good," she replied, hanging up before he said he loved her again.

She was going to find out just exactly what Elliot had told him and she was going to find out today.


	6. Chapter 6

"I'll head over to TARU, see if they can spare anyone to help us look at these tapes," Fin told Olivia as they walked back into the station.

Olivia nodded, dusting off the fallen snow that had littered her jacket on their short walk from the car to the house. She glanced down at her watch, trying to figure out how much time she had before Brian would make his way down.

She turned the corner, back into the precinct's busy room, and walked without abandon to her desk, ignoring the hopeful looking eyes opposite her staring at her the entire time.

"Liv-"

"Elliot," she spat, taking a deep breath before looking at him. She may have been pissed off at him, but she couldn't take the utterly wounded look he was trying to keep at bay.

"El," she said, unable to keep the exhaustion out of her voice. She was so tired of their constant bickering. "El, just give me some time, okay?"

He nodded, picking up the fie in front of him and pretending to read it over. She knew he was just trying to distract himself, though. After all, who knew Elliot Stabler better than Olivia Benson?

Sitting down, she took out the compact mirror she kept in her side drawer, giving herself a once over. Her hair was all over the place from the vicious winter winds and her lipstick was beginning to rub off. She knew Brian didn't care what she looked like, but there was something about feeling feminine with him, after being considered one of the guys hanging out in the precinct all day, that made her want to appear her best in front of him.

She reached into her drawer and pulled out her tube of red lipstick, slowly applying it on her bottom lip before moving onto her upper lip, rubbing them together, smacking them to give emphasize the look.

Tossing the tube back in the drawer, she ran her hand through her hair trying to smooth it out and make herself look somewhat presentable. She glanced over the top of her mirror and caught Elliot looking at her, chewing on the end of a pen that had found its way to his mouth.

"What," she questioned, closing the compact and moving the mouse on her desk, waking up her computer from its hibernation.

"Nothing," he answered, shaking his head cockily, smirking.

"Really? You're going to smirk at me? Really," she narrowed her eyes before rolling them.

"You getting all dolled up for Cassidy," he asked, not backing down, staring at her.

"I don't see why that's any of your business, but yes."

"You know," he said, lowering his voice and leaning forward. "A real man wouldn't care how you looked, Liv. He'd see how beautiful you are no matter what."

She looked up at him, caught off guard by his compliment. Sure, Elliot had complimented her before. He was never stingy with his comments on her looks, and in return, she had playfully flirted back. But this was different. There was something in his tone that made her think he wasn't playing around.

"Brian doesn't care what I look like."

"Oh no?"

"No," she said forcefully.

"Then why the…get up," he asked, motioning to her freshly put on face.

"Again, Elliot, not that it's any of your business, but sometimes a girl just wants to feel like a girl."

"You're no girl, Liv."

"Fuck you, Stabler."

"You're a woman, Benson. And should be treated like one," he said, smirking at her before bringing the pen back to his mouth and looking down at the file. His flirtatious attitude now gone, replaced with the usual, brooding Stabler. "Your boyfriend's here."

She whipped around and saw Brian talking to Munch, laughing at something he said, before connecting eyes with her. He patted Munch on the arm and excused himself, making his way over to where Olivia was sitting, bending down and giving her a chaste kiss to the cheek. She smiled inwardly at the small action. He knew how much she hated public displays of affection and, despite being all for them, toned himself down for her.

"Hi babe."

"Hi," she responded, grabbing his hand that had found a new home on her knee.

"Elliot," he grunted, acknowledging his brother as cordially as he could.

"Cassidy," he responded, his trademark smirk back on his face. "No more drugs on the streets of New York?"

"Guess rapists have been pretty quiet today, huh," he quipped back, standing up fully and facing Elliot, shoulders square, chest puffed out slightly.

"Oh, there are plenty of scumbags I'm just waiting to arrest," he said, standing up and moving closer to Brian.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Stabler," he yelled, getting as close to his brother as possible, practically breathing down his neck.

"Oh, I think you know," Elliot responded coolly, cracking his knuckles that lay by his side.

"Enough," Olivia yelled, standing in between them, facing Elliot. "Enough. Brian, let's go."

No one moved. She could feel Brian trying to control his breathing and calm himself down, but that was all she could acknowledge. Her mind was on Brian, but her body was in overdrive as it reacted to being that close to Elliot's. She could see his chest muscles tighten and his biceps bulge through his shirt. She could feel his hot breath on her ear and she could feel herself becoming wetter with each second they stood there.

She looked up at Elliot, ready to face his angry look, but was shocked when instead of seeing his red face glaring at her, she saw his dilated pupils full of nothing but lust.

And he was looking right at her.

She could hear Brian talking, but she couldn't make out a word he was saying. In that moment, all she could focus on was the look Elliot was giving her, the chills running down her spine, and the possibility that Elliot was attracted to her just as much as she was attracted to him.

She was lost in that look, lost in the possibility of her fantasy being more than that, lost in Elliot Stabler's gravitational aura, his magnetic vibe that seemed to call to her every time she was near him.

She wanted to reach out and grab his shirt, run her hands down his arms, through the practically nothing hair that sat on his head, loop her arms around his neck, and finally kiss him.

She wanted him to grab her, reach under her ass and throw her down on their desks. She wanted him to bite her neck, mark her as his, and slide his hand down over her breasts, over her taut stomach, into her pants and rub his finger up and down her now soaking pussy. She wanted him to stick one of his calloused fingers inside of her and work her inside and out before she was ready for him to finally strip himself of his own clothes and straddle her, teasing her with his cock, before finally sinking into her.

And looking up into his eyes, she was almost positive he wanted the exact same things.

"…Olivia? Olivia!"

She snapped herself out of her daydream, finally aware of her surroundings.

"Yeah," she answered, never breaking eye contact with Elliot, whose own breath seemed to have sped up.

"Lunch," she heard him say, before feeling him wrap an arm around her shoulders. At least he was still behind her. She hadn't been lost in her own world for too long, then.

"Yeah, lunch," she muttered the confirmation, finally breaking eye contact with Elliot and moving back toward her desk to grab her purse. She felt the commotion of her partner and her boyfriend returning to where they were before their kerfuffle, felt Elliot brush up against her as he moved back to his desk. She only hoped the hiss she heard in her mind didn't slip.

"Tell Fin I'll be back in an hour."

"Sure thing."

"Thanks," she said, putting on her jacket.

"Oh and Liv," he said, causing her to look up at him. That stupid pen had found its way back to his mouth, as had his smirk.

"Yeah?"

"Have a great lunch."

"Do you see why I hate the bastard," Brian had asked as soon as they had been seated at their favourite restaurant just a couple of blocks down from her precinct.

"He definitely started it," she agreed, not wanting to argue with him.

"He's just so childish. He's been like that ever since we were kids."

"He was childish when he was a child? Shocker, Bri," she joked, reaching across the table and grabbing his hand, rubbing a thumb over it, trying to calm him down.

"You know what I mean, Olivia," he answered. "God, I just hate that out of all the people in the world you had to be partnered with, it was him."

"Brian, you know we close more cases than anybody else on the force. We're a damn good team," she said. She may be willing to listen to Brian bitch about Elliot, but she still felt protective of him when their partnership was brought up.

"Yeah, cause he has you by his side, hun. You're the best detective in that room," he said, offering her a classic Brian Cassidy smile.

If there was one thing that they shared more than anything else, it was the ability to make her melt with their own individual smiles.

"You're sweet, Brian. But for all of his faults, he's a damn good detective. Like you," she said, taking a sip of her pop. "Must run in the family."

"He is _not_ my brother, Olivia," he said, taking his hand back and picking up the menu.

She gave him a look before shaking her head and picking up her menu. All this talk of Elliot hadn't distracted her from the reason she had called Brian in the first place.

"Brian, you love me, right?"

"More than anything in the world," he said, folding his menu up, crossing his arms, and leaning forward on the table, giving her an inquisitive look. "Why?"

"I just…you know about…Elliot said something earlier and-"

""Of course he did," he scoffed. "What did he say?"

"It's not that big of a deal, but you know about my past, right?"

"With your mom?"

"No. I mean, yes, but not this time."

"Then what, Olivia," he asked, shaking his head in confusion.

"About with other men," she said in one breath.

He sat back, looking at her, before offering her a gentle smile. "I didn't think you were a saint, Olivia. We all have our histories –personal, sexual, family, whatever. That doesn't bother me."

"Really," she asked, not ready to believe he accepted it without second thought.

"Olivia, I've had my own fair share of women. We're not twenty years old. I don't expect you to be a saint."

"Brian, are you-"

"And I can only imagine what Elliot said to you to make you think I would care. He's the one who wanted the angelic fucking wife and look at how great that turned out for him. Who's the one with a divorce and a massive custody battle, huh?"

"His words…I won't lie, they hurt me, but it got me thinking."

"About?"

"As much as we know about each other, there's still so much we don't know about each other that I think we should know," she said, fiddling with the cutlery on the table. "Or, I guess, there's so much I want to know about you and there's so much I feel like I should probably tell you."

"We can talk about whatever you want, whenever you want, babe," he said. "And I love that you want to know more about me, but there's no rush on it. We're going to spend the rest of our lives together, Olivia. We have the rest of our lives to figure each other out," he promised.

She froze at that. She knew he wanted to marry her and she had accepted that, but hearing him talk about it with the finality he was now, it hit home. There would be no one after Brian Cassidy. There wouldn't be a random guy at the bar after a hard case, or a new D.A when they walked into the precinct. And there wouldn't be Elliot. Ever.

"Hey, you okay," he asked, reaching for her, giving her a questioning look when she pulled away.

"Yeah, just, you know, case," she lied easily, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Ah, yeah. I don't know how you guys put up with it. I couldn't do it. That's why I love Narcotics. I just deal with scumbag dealers all day and night."

"Yeah," she said, nodding her head mechanically before beckoning the waiter over. "Should we order?"

"I'm starved," he announced, laughing at her eye roll.

"So, how was lunch?"

"Lay off it, El," she said, throwing her purse down on her desk while taking off her jacket.

"El? Does this mean my Livvy love has forgiven me," he asked with puppy dog eyes.

"First of all, Dickie coined that term for me so only he can use it and second of all, no, but I'm too lazy to say your name completely, Stabler."

"You wound me, Liv," he said, overdramatically.

"Don't you have work to do?"

"Munch hasn't said anything, so I've just been doing paperwork," he shrugged nonchalantly.

"Must be nice. Where's Fin," she asked, searching the precinct for her temporary partner.

"He had to go see Melinda about something, apparently."

"Ah. That's sweet," she commented. "Did he mention if he got security footage for our case?"

"He did not."

"Well that leaves me in the dark," she huffed, tossing her case file on the desk.

"You want to help me with my paperwork," he asked hopefully.

"No," she scoffed, getting up and walking over to the coffee machine.

She hit the orange button, calming when she heard the machine wiz to life. As soon as she got a cup of coffee, even if it was Munch's sludge, she knew she'd feel a little more relaxed.

"Are we going to talk about what happened earlier," Elliot whispered into her ear, reaching around her to grab a mug.

She jumped, almost dropping the mug she was holding onto. She hadn't heard him come up behind her, but she could feel his arm wrap around her to grab the cup, feel his body press up against hers slightly.

"El, what are you-"

"You felt it too, Liv. Don't lie to me," he whispered, his lips dragging across her neck as he reached around her for the sugar, making sure to shield it so no one in the precinct could see him.

"El-"

"I saw it in your eyes. Do you know how long I've fantasized of fucking you, Liv? How long I've wanted to reach over while we were in the car during a stakeout and make you squirm in your seat? Make you cum with my fingers," he said, grazing the underside of her breast as he reached for the sugar packets in front of her.

She couldn't say anything. She was frozen, listening to him list off all the things he wanted to do to her. She could feel herself dripping. She had never been this wet without someone touching her. She couldn't remember the last time she had been this turned on period.

"Did you know that whenever I slept with Kathy, I had to pretend it was you to even get hard? And when I was fucking her, I could only see you, Liv. I could only picture fucking you, loving you, pleasing you," he grunted.

She could hear the lust in his voice without even turning around, and as she backed up slightly, trying to find some sort of relief for her own problem, she felt his. She heard his hiss as she accidentally grinded up on him, stalling in her tracks as his arm came around her waist for a brief second. He seemed to remember where he was, though, and a moment later removed it, clearing his voice, and stepping to the side, keeping his body hidden behind hers while he tried to get his obviously tented pants to return to their normal state.

She risked glancing up at him and nearly turned away at the intense look he was giving her.

He leaned toward her, just as she turned her face away from him, and as he picked up the cream, whispered, "You will be mine, eventually, Liv. You've always been mine, just like I've always been yours."

As quickly as he appeared, he disappeared. She grasped the counter in front of her and waited for the wave of arousal that had so quickly washed over her to disappear so she could get back to work.

She picked up the pot of coffee and poured her cup, but she couldn't find it in herself to turn around and move back to her desk. She couldn't sit across from Elliot and pretend that was just happened didn't happen, and she knew that he knew that. The bastard. Grasping her freshly poured coffee, she turned around and headed toward the precinct's gun range. If she couldn't take care of her frustration the way she wanted to, she was going to have to shoot something.

What the fuck was she going to do?


	7. Chapter 7

"Ben, can I get another," Olivia asked the bartender, holding up her near finished gin and tonic.

"Olivia, I love you sweetie, but that's going to be your fifth one. Are you sure?"

"I need to drink tonight, Ben. And I would like to do it with my second favourite gay man in the city, but if you can't do it, then I'll just go somewhere else," she threatened, standing up and wobbling.

"No, no, sit down," he commanded, placing a hand on her shoulder and gently forcing her back on the stool.

"I knew you loved me," she said, smiling up at him, her face red from the drinking.

"Dearly, but you're also not going to get into any other bar in that state."

"I'm fine Ben. Benson. Can I call you Benson?"

"That's your name, dear."

"I know, but if you're a Benson we can be the Bensons! We could be a band," she exclaimed excitedly, grabbing onto his hand. "I'll quit being a cop, which is so overrated anyways, and you could keep the bar because we'll need some money, Benson, and it'll be irresponsible if we both leave our jobs."

"That's true," he said smirking at her.

"Plus we could use this as a venue to perform."

He shook his head at her and took his hand back, going back to drying off various glasses. "Can you sing?"

"Erm-"

"Can you play an instrument?"

"I played the recorder in sixth grade," she announced proudly, looking up at him before sighing. "For about ten minutes."

"I think our band is kapootz, love."

"We'll always have Abbey Road, Benson," she muttered into the bar, throwing her head into her arms.

"Sure, kiddo."

"Benson?"

"Yeah Benson?"

"Ha," she snorted, whipping her head up and draining the rest of her drink. "I'm in such a fucking mess."

"I can see that. What happened," he asked, throwing the dishrag over his shoulder and leaning down in front of her.

"Everything," she whispered, playing with her glass.

"Olivia…"

"I just…I was doing fine and then he kind of kissed me and it's not like I didn't want him to kiss me, but I was doing so good without him and then he just planted one on me," she exclaimed loudly to the empty bar.

"Who?"

"While I was getting coffee, Benson. What kind of sick and deprived world do we live in when you can't even make a coffee without being kind of sort of but not really kissed," she asked, twirling the straw that sat in her empty glass.

"This isn't Brian we're talking about?"

She snapped her head up to look at Ben. Ben had been her bartender for over ten years. He knew almost everything about her, but he didn't know how she felt about Elliot. She had been extremely careful over the past twelve years hiding that one delicate secret.

"No," she answered, tearing up.

"Do you like the person who kind of sort of not really kissed you?"

She didn't want to answer that right now. She didn't want to let anyone in on her secret. Not yet.

"Benson, can I get my drink?"

"Yeah," he sighed, moving down the bar to make it. "Yeah, I suppose you need it today, Benson."

"I love ya, Ben," she slurred, dropping her head back on her arms.

"I love ya too, kiddo."

The bar was quiet, just the way Olivia loved it. There were no men hitting on her, no annoying couples on first dates laughing at every little thing the other person said even if it wasn't in the least bit funny. There weren't any college freshman playing pool in the corner and sucking back disgusting beer, high fiving each other over every clever catcall they came up with. There was nothing to distract her from wallowing in her own self pity, no one to distract her from the delicious drink that was being made for her, nothing to distract her from thinking about –

"Liv?"

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

"Benson," she whispered, catching a look from the bartender. "Is the man who just walked through the door about 5"11, marine build, crop top hair, and sporting the most brilliant blue eyes you've ever seen?"

Ben looked up at the door, being as innocuous as possible, and took in the man searching for Olivia. Nodding his head in time with the music playing, he glanced down at Olivia and gave her a wink, laughing at her groan.

"Liv, what are you doing?"

She turned to look at him and give him a sad smile, thrusting her arm toward Ben in a less than elegant manner. "Drinking."

"Right," he answered, running a hand over her head and sweeping her bangs out of her eyes. He gave her a smile back, trying not to laugh as she wrinkled her nose and produced a small hiccup.

"You must be kind of, sort of, not really," Ben said as he watched the two.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't mind Benson, El. He's just joking around," she said, glaring at her favourite bartender.

"Your name's Benson? Really," Elliot asked, astonished.

"It's Ben, but your Benson over here has a crazy idea that we could start a band and call ourselves the Bensons," he answered chuckling. "I need to do some administrative stuff in the office. You good with her for about fifteen minutes?"

Elliot nodded, glancing down at Olivia who was giggling into her arm. He watched as Ben grabbed a crate of beer that had gone unused and walked to the back, leaving him alone with his partner in the bar, nothing but the sound of Moby's Porcelain playing.

"Liv," he started.

"Why are you here, Elliot," she asked, trying to sound angry but the slurred words coming out more confused than furious.

"Cassidy called me asking if I had seen you since you hadn't gone home yet," he spat, not wanting to think about his brother and the love of his life sharing a house together. "I told him I hadn't seen you since this afternoon but that I probably knew where you were and would go check."

"Oh, right," she answered, cursing herself for forgetting she had plans with Brian. Just another scratch against her as a girlfriend. "Why didn't Brian come?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay myself," he answered honestly, looking down at her. "Do you not want me to be here?"

She didn't answer, just continued looking up at him. She watched as hurt clouded his eyes. She didn't want to hurt him. She loved him so much. She wanted to ease the pain and she wanted to hold him, comfort him. She wanted to skim her lips across his, moving to his cheeks, his nose, his neck. She wanted to love him.

"El, I-"

"Break up with Brian."

Well then.

"Excuse me," she stuttered, trying to focus on what he was saying, but it had become increasingly difficult since the room had decided to start spinning.

"Break up with Brian. Don't go home to see him tonight."

"Elliot, what are you talking about?"

"I was serious earlier today, Olivia," he said, moving closer to her and grabbing her outstretched hand. "I want you to be mine. Just mine."

"Elliot," she said, trying to take her hand back, even if it did feel incredible.

"You've always been mine, Liv, and I've always been yours. That's why Kathy and I didn't work out. She always accused me of sleeping with you and finally I had enough and I told her that while I hadn't cheated, while I hadn't broken my vows to her, I was in love with you. I wanted to be with you every night when we weren't together."

"El," she whispered. The room was really spinning.

"I was waiting until I got divorced to say anything to you about how I felt, but then you were with Cassidy and, I mean, it seems pretty serious, so I," he stumbled, pausing as he took in her rapidly paling face. "Oh, you're going to be sick, aren't you?"

She nodded slightly and closed her eyes tight, holding her stomach, listening as he reached over the bar and grabbed a bucket. She felt his hands on her head, moving her hair back, felt him come behind her and hold onto her small frame slightly as she started to retch. This would have been embarrassing if she hadn't been sick in front of him before. If she was honest with herself, the only person she wanted when she was sick was Elliot. He made her feel safe, made her feel instantly better.

"You're okay, baby. I'm right here," she heard him whisper, before pressing a small kiss to her temple.

Baby? Where had that come from? She hated when people called her baby. It felt juvenile, infantile even. She was no one's baby. But coming from Elliot, she felt a roll of warmth spread through her core, and she was pretty sure it wasn't a wave of nausea.

"El-"

"Stabler, what the fuck are you doing?"

Now that was a wave of nausea she felt.

"I'm taking care of your girl, Cassidy. Something you should have been doing," she heard him answer, tightening his hold on her.

'Please let me disappear, please let me disappear, please let me disappear.'

"I told you I was going to look for her and you should go home. But, once again, you've proven that you're an idiot who can't listen to what other people say."

Olivia snapped her head up at the point, turning to look at Elliot who was fixated on her. That's not what he told her. She knew he hated Brian, but to purposely try and break up their relationship…did he even want to be with her or did he just want her away from his brother?

"Brian," she said, still looking at Elliot. "I'm sorry I didn't come home tonight."

"That's okay, babe. Let's just go home now. You need to rest, Liv."

"Don't call me that."

"Don't call her that," he said at the same time as her, their eyes snapping to each other's once again.

Brian looked between them, shaking his head. "You two are fucking precious. I don't know what the fuck's going on between you, but I'm dating Olivia, Elliot. Not you. She chose to be with me, not you. She comes home and fucks me every night, screams my name when I make her cum, not you," Brian seethed, glaring at Elliot.

"Brian," she yelled, horrified.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Cassidy? Do you have any respect for the woman you're dating? You never did. I remember all those girls in high school, when they would come home after a night out with you, heartbroken, and I had to take care of them," Elliot hissed.

"Fuck off, Stabler. C'mon Olivia, let's go," he said, going to grab her arm only to be blocked by Elliot. "Move."

"She's not going anywhere with you tonight, Brian. Just go home," he ordered, protecting Olivia as much as he could.

"You don't get to make that decision. Olivia, let's go. Now," he demanded, glaring at his brother.

"If you try to grab her again, I will beat the shit out of you."

"Oh, really," Brian scoffed, crossing his arms.

"I've been looking for a reason to do it for seven years. I will lay your ass out on this floor right now," he threatened, clenching his fists.

"I'd like to see you fucking try, old man. You'd be dead before you even hit me," Brian answered, snarling.

"Guys," Olivia said, weakly, trying to get their attention.

"She's not going home with either of you."

"Benson, I forgot you were here," Olivia said, sending up a silent thank you that he had come back out.

"Who's this," Brian asked, glaring at the new man.

"Benson," Olivia said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Right…well, Benson, she's my girlfriend, so I'm going to take her home and put her to bed."

"No you're not, Cassidy," Elliot said, towering over his brother.

"Neither of you are. Olivia is going to come home with me and sleep it off. I'll drop her off at the station tomorrow. Is that okay, Olivia," he asked, looking sympathetically at her.

She nodded, hopping off the barstool and moving out from behind Elliot. She gave them both a small smile, letting them know it was okay, before moving toward Ben.

"Whatever. I'm tired of this shit. I'll see you whenever, Olivia," Brian yelled, stomping out of the bar.

"Shit," she muttered, rubbing a hand over her face.

"Ben, can I have a minute with her," Elliot asked, chuckling at the dark look he received from the bartender. "I promise, I won't try to kidnap her or anything. I don't know you well, but I know better than to mess with you."

Ben nodded at him, and glanced over at Olivia to make sure she was cool with it. She gave him a drunk thumbs up and he laughed, walking over to her and giving her a kiss on the top of her head.

"I'll be outside in the car, getting it all toasty for you. If you're not out in five minutes," he warned, shooting a look at Elliot. "I'm coming in. Okay?"

"Okay," she answered, watching him leave.

Then it was just them. Elliot and Olivia. El and Liv. Partners in crime. She stood, not moving, not trusting herself in this state to be alone with Elliot.

"Liv, I know you're drunk, but I'm one hundred per cent sober."

She nodded.

"And I want you to know that I meant everything I said today. I want you and I know you want me too, okay?"

She nodded.

He moved over to her and leaned down, picking her chin up and ghosting his lips over hers again, still not kissing her.

"But I won't be an affair. Break up with Brian. Come be happy with me, baby. We deserve to be happy. We deserve each other. That life that Cassidy wants to give you? I want to give it to you too. I want to live forever with you and have kids with you and buy the house out in the suburbs with you. All of it, I only want to do it with you, got it?"

She nodded.

"But I only want to do it if you want to. So think about it," he said, swooping down and placing a kiss on her cheek, letting his lips linger. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She nodded and watched him leave, waiting a few moments before packing up her own stuff and throwing her jacket on. She walked out of the bar and into the refreshing cool air, only just noticing the sweat lining her neck and chest. She needed a shower. And bacon. Something with bacon on it. She noticed Ben sitting in his car and stumbled over to him, throwing open the passenger door and plopping down in the seat.

"Thanks for this, Benson. You're the best."

"Oh honey, I wasn't going to let you go home with either of those hot heads," he answered, pulling the car away from the curb and driving off. "If I can just say one thing."

"It's your car. You can say as many things as you'd like."

"I know you're with Brian, but mister kind of, sort of, not really? That boy loves you, sweetheart."

She rested her head on the headrest and stared out at the buildings quickly passing her by.

"I know, Benson. I know."


	8. Chapter 8

"Benson!"

She couldn't stop the groan that escaped her lips as she clasped her head between her hands. Why had she decided to get plastered on a work night? She was practically useless and since Elliot was in court, she had to hold down the fort on all of their cases. She heard Munch snicker behind her and moved her head to glare at him, but the searing pain that passed through it at even the tiniest moment made her glare look more like an empty stare.

"Baby girl, you a fucking mess," Fin said, trying to keep his own smile at bay.

"Fuck off," she said, directing it at both of them.

"BENSON!"

"Ugh," she uttered, as she slowly stood up, grabbing onto the corner of her desk to stop from passing out as the room rocked backwards and forwards.

"You need help gettin' to see Cragen? I think Munch has one of his old walkers here," Fin said, dodging the pen his partner whipped at him.

"I'm fine, thank you very much," she answered through gritted teeth. "Don't you have a dead body to see Melinda about?"

"She's coming here. I'm through seein' dead bodies when we eat."

She laughed and walked over to where Cragen's office, closing the door behind her as she prepared for her commanding officer to rip right into her. Not that she didn't deserve it. She was acting totally unprofessional today.

"Listen Cap-"

"Elliot needs you."

"What," she asked, her senses on high alert. "What happened? Is he okay? Where-"

"Olivia."

"Sorry."

"Kathy won sole custody of the kids," he said, sighing, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Excuse me? Who was the judge on the case? Why didn't Lanagan…Is this Lanagan's fault? I'm going to kill Trevor," she growled, standing up and grabbing her head, trying to make her way to the door.

"Oh geez, look at you. My two best detectives and one has what can only be assumed to be a pretty paralyzing hangover and the other is sitting in a drunk tank across the bridge."

She didn't think she could have turned faster toward him if she tried. "Elliot's been arrested?"

"I got the charges cleared," he said, dismissing her concern with a wave of his hand. "Disorderly conduct."

"Oh El," she whispered.

"He's going to need a friend tonight, Olivia."

"I know that, Cap. I should go get him and I guess I'll take him-"

"A friend, Olivia. He doesn't need anything more right now," he interrupted, giving her a poignant look.

"What are you talking about," she asked, her chest tightening.

"I think you know what I mean."

"I really don't, Don," she said.

"Don't let your boyfriend come around the poor guy. They may be family but the last thing Elliot needs is his younger brother making comments about his failed relationship again."

She could feel herself visibly relax, her shoulders slump and her chest release as she nodded. "Of course. I'll be back in tomorrow. Maybe. Depending on how Elliot's doing. I'll let you know tonight," she promised walking away.

"What did you think I meant?"

She paused, her hand resting on the doorknob, and turned her head to give a sweet smile. "That's what I thought you meant, Cap. Just wanted to make sure."

"Uh-huh," he answered, disbelievingly, watching as she left before reaching over and picking up his phone. "It's Cragen. Patch me through to Tucker. I need to clarify something."

She watched as he tapped his head against the bars, repetitively, almost monotonously. She had never seen him look so tired. His tie was slightly undone and his shirt wrinkled. His hands were stuffed into his pants pockets and his face was tense. His forehead was scrunched up and he was slouched back as far as he could go.

He was defeated. He had taken on Goliath and Goliath won.

"Stabler!"

She watched as he looked for the offending guard that yelled his name, his stance changing instantly, ready to attack. She should have known he would have been aggressive. Someone he didn't even know just told him he wasn't deserving enough to have joint custody of the people he cared most for in the world. How else was he supposed to react?

"What the fuck do you –Liv," he said, his eyes catching hers.

"Hi El," she greeted, walking toward the cell bars. She never thought she'd see the day when she had to talk to him this way.

"Liv, I'm sorry," he whispered, hanging his head shamefully.

"Oh El, you have nothing to apologize for," she had to stop herself from calling him something completely inappropriate, especially in front of the cop she had just met two minutes ago.

"I don't know what happened, but I lost my mind, baby," he whispered, grabbing the bars in front of him and looking at her.

Wasn't going to stop him though, apparently.

"Let's just get you out of here, El. We'll go back to my place, order some Chinese food, and talk about everything, okay?"

She watched him nod and turned to the cop. She glared at him and gestured toward the cell, making an unlocking motion with her hand. She watched as he crossed his arms, unmoving, and sighed as she reached into her pocket and pulled out her badge. She hated having to use her rank to get anything done –she had never wanted to be one of those cops- but she wasn't going to have Elliot sit in a cell while some rookie dilly dallied around.

"Oh, uh, sorry Detective. Right away," he said, scrambling to open the cell door.

She watched as he slid the door open, watched as Elliot stepped through it, watched as he struggled to compose himself as she drew him close to her in a quick hug.

"Not here, El. Just wait. Not here," she whispered, feeling his head nod on top of hers.

She unwrapped her arms from around his waist and cleared her throat at the clueless guard who was checking something on his phone.

"Can we please get him discharged as soon as possible, Rook," she asked, using the nickname all rookies hated.

"Um, sure thing," he replied, walking back to the front desk and sorting through the pile of paperwork for those that had been arrested that day.

She stood, waiting, drumming her fingers on the desk. She jumped slightly when she felt Elliot's hand latch onto the one that hung limply by her side, heart breaking as he squeezed it tight. She opened her hand and thread her fingers with his, squeezing as tight as she could, sending him a silent reassurance that everything would be okay.

"Okay, Detective Stabler, you're good to go. Uh, sorry about all of this," the cop said, looking between Elliot and Olivia.

"Whatever," he scoffed, signing the paper with his free hand and practically dragging Olivia out to the parking lot.

She watched as he searched for their car, pulling on his hand and leading him over to it. She unlocked the car and dropped his hand as she walked around to the driver's side and got in, waiting for him to do the same. She flinched as he ripped the door open, dropped down, and slammed it closed. She knew what he was like when he got this angry, and unlike the rest of the world, she was the only one who knew how to calm her beast. She just had to wait for him to make the first move.

"Fuck," he yelled, slamming his hands on the glove compartment box.

She leaned forward, resting her shoulder against the steering wheel, waiting for him to continue.

"That bitch took them, Liv. She fucking took them," he spat.

"What happened?"

"I don't know! Lanagan said it was a sure thing that we'd get each get joint, and then today this judge says that I can't have them because of my odd hours and case work and graphic nature of my career. I mean, that's bullshit, right," he asked almost pleadingly.

"I don't get it."

"Me either, Liv."

"No, I mean I don't get it. Kathy works odd hours too at the hospital, right? And sure, her work's not as violent, but it gets gruesome. That's a really weak excuse," she said, squishing her eyebrows together in confusion.

"I mean, I suppose…"

"What did Lanagan say?"

"Nothing," he scoffed, looking outside the window. "He said, 'Sorry Elliot, I really didn't see that coming.'"

"Bastard."

"Fucking prick."

She chuckled, smiling when she saw a little grin tug at the corners of his mouth.

"So? Chinese and bad movies? My couch has missed you, El."

"Oh, I've missed her, too."

She smiled, starting her car and pulling out of the Queens station parking lot, heading onto the road and making her way back toward Manhattan. The drive was silent for the most part; she was concentrating on getting them through the bustling city without getting killed and he was wrapped up in his own thoughts. It was her phone ringing that broke them out of their bubble, as she scrambled to answer it.

"Benson."

"Olivia."

"Brian, hey," she said, risking a glance over at a now sulking Elliot.

"Where are you at? I came by the office to talk about last night but you weren't there."

"Yeah, everything's fine. Just…just still feeling kind of shitty from last night. Cragen sent me home," she lied, watching as Elliot turned to look at her, eyebrow raised.

"We need to talk about what happened, _Olivia_."

"And we will, _Brian_ ," she said, using the same condescending tone he had taken on.

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

"Why not tonight?"

"Because Brian-"

"Are you hanging out with Stabler tonight?"

"No," she lied.

"If you're lying to me-"

"You're going to what, Brian? Threaten me? What is wrong with you," she asked, sending Elliot a cautionary glare as he moved to grab the phone from her. She could see how angry he was. It was practically rolling off of him, and while she knew she should be worried about that, knowing he was getting that upset over her always made her feel rather special.

"Olivia, come on, you know I would never-"

"I don't know that, Brian. And if you don't stop, I'll never give myself the chance to find out."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'll end it right now," she said, sneaking a glance at Elliot and carefully hiding a smirk at the way his eyes lit up.

"Olivia, c'mon babe, don't…I'm sorry, okay. I overreacted and I didn't mean too. I love you," he cried.

"I can't talk right now, Brian. I have to go. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Fine."

She hug up the phone as fast as she could and whipped it into the back seat, huffing as they pulled up to a red light not too far from her place.

"How's Brian?"

"Try not to enjoy this too much," she remarked, rubbing her head over her forehead. Her headache from earlier had returned with a vengeance.

"You should do it, you know."

"Do what," she asked as she pulled up to her apartment building, parking, and getting out of the car.

"Break up with Cassidy."

"Elliot," she said, squinting her eyes. Oh good, the headache had turned into a full-blown migraine.

"Why are you fighting this, Liv," he asked as he walked behind her, moving through the apartment foyer and up the staircase to the right of the door. "You know I want you and I know you want me, but for some reason-Liv?"

She didn't hear the rest of his speech as she bolted up the next flight of stairs, ripped the door open, and quickly made her way into her apartment's bathroom, barely getting in front of the toilet in time before she threw up everything she had in her stomach.

"Liv? Liv," Elliot called, seeing her sitting on the floor in her bathroom and moving to sit behind her. "Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well?"

"You didn't really give me a chance to speak," she grumbled, laying her head back against his chest.

"Nauseous?"

"Migraine," she answered softly, squeezing her eyes shut as tight as she could to try and alleviate the pressure throbbing throughout her entire head.

"Sucking back gin and tonics all night will do that to a person," he joked, threading one of hands through her hair while the other gently rubbed her stomach.

"Shut up," she scolded weakly.

"Baby, don't take this the wrong way, but you're adorable when you're angry," he said, kissing her temple.

"Stop calling me that," she muttered.

"What?"

"Stop calling me baby."

"You don't like it?"

"I'm not your baby," she whispered. "I'm Brian's."

"Ah," he said, his grip on her loosening slightly. "I forgot for a moment."

"Me too," she admitted softly, grabbing his hand that had fallen to her side and moving it back to her stomach.

"Why don't we get you to bed. You need to sleep."

"I'm supposed to be comforting you, El."

"I think I can forgive you this one time," he teased, helping her stand up.

She let him maneuver her to her bedroom, watching as he pulled back the covers and fluffed her pillow, before gently pulling her toward him and helping her lie down. He pulled the comforter up to her chin and gave her a quick kiss on the nose before standing back up straight.

"I'll be right outside if you need me."

"Elliot, wait," she cried, grabbing onto his hand as he went to leave.

"Yeah," he asked, raking his eyes over her with concern.

"Stay with me," she asked, hating how pathetic she sounded.

"Liv-"

"We've done this before, El. When you were too drunk to get home, you used to stay in here sometimes so I could make sure you wouldn't choke on your own vomit when you slept. I don't' need you to be romantic with me, Elliot, I just want to know that my best friend is okay and I need you to be here so I can feel like I'm kind of sort of not really comforting you," she explained quickly.

"Okay," he said after a minute, moving to the other side of the bed, pulling the comforter down and getting in.

She turned on her side and looked at him, subconsciously snuggling up closer to him. She could hear his even breaths, and as she moved her hand to rest on his chest, she relaxed feeling the continuous thumping of his heartbeat. It always relaxed her to feel it. With their job, it could stop so suddenly. Having him here, his heart beating, made her feel like anything was still possible. As long as he was still here.

"Kind of, sort of, not really?"

"What," she asked.

"That's what Ben called me last night. He said, 'You must be kind of, sort of, not really."

"Oh, yeah," she answered, tucking her head in to hide her blush.

"C'mon Liv, what was that all about?"

"You'll never know," she answered playfully, sticking her tongue out at him.

"Don't stick your tongue out at me unless you plan to do something with it, Benson," he warned.

She grinned evilly at him, grabbing his hand, and licking one of his fingers, laughing at the half disgusted, half aroused look he gave back to her. Without warning he pulled her close to him, tickling her sides before giving her a long lick up the side of her face.

"Ugh, Elliot. You're disgusting," she announced through her laughter.

"You started it, baby," he said, rolling over so he was practically on top of her.

She giggle and stared up at him, her hand resting on his face. He was so close to her. She never thought in a million years she would be this close to him. She could feel him on top of her and she yearned for him to ravage her, but she knew this was more than that. She moved her fingers over his lips, watched as his eyes closed and he gasped slightly, watched as he moved toward her fingers. She used the other hand to run her fingers through his hair, reveling in the wanton groan he let out, allowing himself to be petted like a dog. She couldn't get enough of the sounds he made or the facial expressions that glossed over his face. She wanted to be the only person that got to see those reactions out of him and she couldn't stop the pang of jealousy for Kathy that rang through her when she thought that his ex-wife would have experienced this time and time again over the course of their marriage.

"Liv," he begged, opening his eyes and staring down at her with unhindered lust.

Unhindered love.

"Liv," he whispered, as he moved his lips closer to hers.

"El," she whispered back, inching her face closer to his, ready to finally kiss him. "We can't."


End file.
